I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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