That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
