All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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