On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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