Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
