i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
