Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
