I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
