I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
