i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
