Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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