Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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