I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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