That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
