During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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