Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
