One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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