I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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