What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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