I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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