I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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