11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
