Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
