I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
