Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
