we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
