I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
