Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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