Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
