Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
