we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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