We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
