just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
