barbara walters just said penis...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
