i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
