Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
