I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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