This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
