I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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