He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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