When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
