Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
