I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
