I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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