Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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