After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
