TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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