hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
