No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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