i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
