They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
