If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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