i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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