Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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