he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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