well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
