I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
