No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
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I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize