So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
