In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
