youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
