Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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