So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
