i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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