So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
