the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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