I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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