I hate your face
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
