she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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