she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
