I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You made out with two different species that night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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