She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize