either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
