Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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