Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
