just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
