note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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