Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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