Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
