Christians are straight up FREAKS
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
