She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
