WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
