it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize