i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
