Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
