holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i think my cat just said my name.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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