Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
