Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
