Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm bleeding and have questions
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
