hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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